Day 2 of the KY Intimacy Experiment is aptly named It’s Not Just About Sex. Day 2 is about tracking how often you and your partner interact in positive ways. According to the pamphlet, “Studies show that successful relationships tend to have a high ratio of positive to negative interactions. Experts believe that the ratio should be 5:1.”
Some examples of positive interactions include:
- Holding hands
- Having a postive conversation
Bickering was given as an example of a negative interaction. I think actively and inactively ignoring your partner is an example as well. And this is where we have a problem.
Eric and I took our journal and wrote down our interactions for most of the day. Since it was a family barbeque at my grandparents, our interactions were mostly positive. We always sit in the same over-sized armchair together, I always make Eric and the kid’s plates and he makes the drinks, and we always hold hands when we sit outside with the ‘grownups’. Of course, as soon as we get home, the negative interactions start. Whose turn it is to choose where to eat out for dinner since we werent home for me to cook is always an argument. Also, one person is usually on the computer while the other person watches the baby in another room. Its like an ignore session always whether its intentional or not.
They suggested that couples increase oxytocin by hugging. 3 hugs lasting at least 30 seconds is all they ask that you do. And 30 seconds is a long time when you are counting it. It does help though. By the third hug, I felt myself melting into my husband and missing the days when we used to hug often. They draw on the hugging exercise for the night exercise as well. They suggest facing each other, looking into your partner’s eyes, and melting into a close embrace. Then keep hugging until you are completely free of tension. It was kinda silly when we tried it but we kept it up and I do have to admit I didnt really feel like having sex after that. I just wanted to cuddle all night
All I can say now is I cant wait for tomorrow exercise, Everything Old is New Again!
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